“Have you ever loved somebody, so much that you were just to blind to see that all of the pain that they were causing you? Have you ever loved somebody so much that you went against all the right things you should do?” Destiny's Child: Bad Habits
It is so funny the profound affect that certain music has on person at any given moment. One song; one tender relaxing love kissed, broken hearted ballad holds within it harmonic melody the power to transport one through time, and space. In An instant every sad, blissful, pathetic, romantic, whimsical moment of your life can flash before your eyes stirring up emotions that you haven’t felt in years, days, hours, minutes; next thing you know your trapped in a enclave of your past/present emotional baggage. Evaluating every thing that you have ever been through, and suddenly you find yourself at a cross roads. Thinking of your past mistakes, and misfortunes; wondering if you had the opportunity would you go back and change them. And if you are one of the lucky individuals your actually sitting in the midst of a defining moment, at the very point of breaking down. Tears streaming down your face, voice trembling, mind racing, heart beat thumping against the cavity of your chest, and you have but a simple choice to make.
Them Or Me?
Though this particular song seems to be about love, and the Bad Habits that we fall into when we love somebody. On this night it translates into something so much more profound for me. Perhaps it is because I am on the dawning of a new Year. Reminiscing over the past eleven months, three weeks, one day, thirty-one minutes and counting. Posing over choices I have made, people I have/still love, and sacrifices that I am soon to make. What ever the reason, the music brings me to a pause here I set clicking away on the keys of my mini composing a serenade to the masses of the world wide web, hoping that someone will understand the depth of my thoughts.
Lots of times in our lives we fall into these routines, habits if you will. Sometimes their good habits; like working out or eating the right foods. Sometimes their bad habits; likes smoking, or drinking in excess. The good habits are the things that help us grow, and make us more efficient productive people. While the bad habits are slowly endangering our mental, emotional, or physical stability.
Typically we don’t always recognize our bad habits as being bad at all. Instead we make excuses for why we carry on doing them. “I smoke because my nerves are bad.“ or “I drink to take the edge off.“ and then we carry on doing them despite knowing that they are causing us harm. Still there are those bad habits that hurt us even more than we sometimes know.(that’s not to say that we aren’t aware that they are hurting us) You know the kind of habits that I am talking about; the ones that penetrate the flow of our daily lives. That bad habit we have of loving! Loving People.
Yes, love is a bad habit. It stems from an emotional connection to family & friends alike. Which through out time can turn into feelings of self doubt, and inadequacy that gets buried deep down inside of us. Usually pushed off on us by the very people who claim to love us back yet their constantly pushing their own self inflicted disturbed ideas of friendship, family values, and love off on us. This Bad habit of loving people can sometimes be a good thing if the people we love , love us in the way that man should love, strong, without prejudice, without jealousy, without pretense, and unconditionally. But when love is done wrong; full of r3estrictions, doubts, pretense, and expectations then it isn’t really love. And love like that has the ability to hurt more than a dull knife through your heart.
Love is a bad habit that we all have, but that we don’t often see the danger imposed by loving folks until their tainted vision of love has dominated, and damaged a great deal of our lives. I call this emotional bad habits; the things that we do subconsciously in the name of love, being loved, and loving others. People do so much damage to themselves trying to prove to other people that they love/respect them, or trying to prove their worth to someone else.
I know because I have done it myself, and I am ashamed to say that I recently caught myself doing it again over the Christmas Holiday. I looked up and I was again trying to prove my worth/love to family, friends, and a would be possible partner. All the while coming up short in satisfying the needs/wants/ expectations/desires of the people that I felt deserved not to be disappointed, all the while pushing myself into a deeper Holiday depression because I wasn’t living up what I felt they all deserved from me. Yet not once did any of these people who all claim to love me try to ease my frustration/guilt/sadness/stress.
And isn’t that how it always is? Falling into this emotional bad habit. Loving people, and trying to prove that we love them. Or feeling a sort of obligation to love them.
I am here to tell you, and myself. CUT THAT SHIT OUT! We have to learn, that we have no obligation to anyone, except ourselves. Life is too short to be wasting all your time trying to prove to someone; anyone, family, friend, mother , brother, lover, husband, or wife, that you love them. Or that your loyal to them. You don’t owe them any explanations. The sooner you realize that, then the sooner you will break yourself of these bad habits. The sooner you will be rid of your guilt, your anxiety, your devotion. The only devotion you have is to The Most High and yourself. Not one earthly creature. When we finally stop falling into these cycles of guilty love, then we will be happier with ourselves and have the ability to achieve so much more. Love; but love distance. In this New year make a vow to break your bad habit. Learn to love yourself, and when you do. You will see that everything you want will start to come to you, because you aren’t exerting energy on trying to LOVE other people.
Lets Break our Bad Habits in 2010.
Sincerely
Rafael Solece
