I always knew that Dwight was a mess. He had those same eyes that I use to hear my mother warning my sister Liz about. I use to hear her say That man’s got some dangerous eyes. Never trust a man with dangerous eyes, that always look like he mad about something. Them the one’s mad at the world and feel like it own them something. Those are the type of men that will try and get what they feel like the owed from you. If I never trusted anything my mother said, I should have trusted that. If was one thing my mom was hardly ever wrong about, it was men. And when I meet Dwight and saw his eyes. I should have run away in the opposite direction screaming, because he had those exact same eyes my mom use to talk about. His eyes a deep dark brown color encased within a blank white pupil, and slightly slanted so that they looked like they were hardly open. His brow always hung low as if he was scowling, and when he stared at you it sometime felt as if he was burning a whole right through you. When I had first meet him, it was his eyes that had first attracted me to him. At that time to me, they were seductive and alluring. If only then I had known what I would grow to know later. That in fact hiding behind that scowl and those eyes was something vicious and vindictive.
I should have known from the beginning that we just wasn't going to work out. The honeymoon phase of our relationship, you know the time when you first meet and are all lovey dovey, that lasted all of a week. Before I knew it we had problems and not minor problems, no Dwight and I had full blown issues. He’d moved in with me four days after we had meet, yes this was normal for a homosexual relationship. After a month he’d lost his job, and I was footing all the bills. (I know, signs, but sometimes we’re blinded by our hearts, or lust. I was blinded by both) But I am not sure he ever really loved me, at least I know now that what he loved about me was what I could do for him. That ain’t love it’s convenience. But three years into it I was determined to make it work, to support him (literally) and to be a good lover. Despite Dwight’s selfishness and he had always been selfish when it came down to our relationship. It was his way or the highway. That was partly my fault. I loved him (at the time) so I always gave him what he wanted, if it made him happy, Even if it meant me not being happy and adding more stress into my life.. That’s just the way I was, I never believe that he would ever do anything deliberately to hurt me. That was until he did.
The day started out like any other, with a fight. Dwight had been begging me for weeks to go with him to look at this car he wanted. The problem with him wanting it was that he couldn’t afford it, Dwight still didn’t have a job. He had been out of work for the last six months and he didn’t have any prospects. Not that the job that he had before was a great one. His checks were barely enough to buy groceries not that he did. He spent his money at the club while I spent every penny of my checks to maintain our comfortable living situation which had gotten harder to do since he’d lost (gotten fired) from his job and he was now eating in to my pay check for his extra curricular activities. Now he wanted to buy a car so he could go gallivanting off into the night with his friends. Which meant he definitely wouldn’t ever be at home, he’d always be out in the street, and he’d never looked for a job. Lets not forget the car note would be another bill that I would have to pay. I wasn’t having it!
Come on Sugababy, this is a great deal.
He called me sugababy when he really wanted to con me. Hell nawl, not this time, I just was not going to give in to him this time.
Dwight we can’t afford to buy another thing.
I snarled as I searched the kitchen counter for my glasses. He was sitting at the counter in his boxers, looking enticing in a pair of boxers and no shirt, a huge plate of my scrambled eggs and French toast in front of him. My specialty, his favorite.
Sugababy, we need a new car. Look at last night.
I cut my eyes at him. He wouldn’t won’t to mention last night to me.
If I had my own car you won’t have to wait for me to come get you from work.
No, I stopped looking for my glasses and leaned across the counter. if you would have pushed away from the card table and been at my job on time. I wouldn’t have had to wait for you to pick me up. Don’t blame that on our car situation blame that on your irresponsible, selfish ass.
He stared at me with that blank look on his face, the one he always got when he was trying to figure out a way to make what he did right.
Why are you so hostile.
He asked softly, I surmised that he couldn’t find a way to justify his actions, so he went another route.
Dwight I waited outside my job for you for almost an hour, You didn’t answer any my phone calls, then when you finally showed up you had some punk in the car with you. Not cute
That’s why I need my own car.
Seriously,I wanted to say why so you can drive your punks around and not have to worry about being anywhere your suppose to be, like at home or looking for a job, instead I said. No Dwight we can’t afford it.
We can use that money you got hide in that separate account as a down payment.
I was headed into the living room to grab my bag, but that made me stop in my tracks. How in the hell did he know about my account?
What account?
The one at regency bank
I turned around quickly
Have you been snooping through my shit?
No, I found it.
How,
I found the bank book in the desk
My desk
Our desk
No Dwight, that’s my desk I paid for it.
I didn’t mean to say that, and I usually did’t say things about who paid for what, but I was in no mood to be diplomatic.
It’s in our house.
Really, is it?
What’s that suppose to mean.
This time his eyes narrowed and he zoomed in on me like a he had radar.
Nothing, I have got to go to work
We ain’t finish talking about this car
Yes we are, no car.
How just gonna make a decision for our lives like that.
I making a decision for my life right now, I can barely afford to maintain the bills of this house, and I make DAMN good money, so why in the hell would I take on another bill.
Maybe if you cut out some of your activities then maybe we could afford it.
Cut out my activities, like what Dwight, I cut my spa treatments down, I don’t go out anywhere, what do want me to cut out eating.
Well you are gaining a little wait
Yes he did say that, I ain’t exaggerating there.
Maybe YOU, could get up off your lazy ass and get a damn job.
I been looking for a job.
In between, scratching your ball sack, hanging at the fucking club, and screwing every fag you see.
What the fuck is that suppose to mean
Dwight I am not stupid by a long shot, and you ain’t as dumb as you look. I know what your doing when I am at work, and when your at that club. I put up with you because I love you, but the love train stops here. You want that car get a job, and get it yourself. It better be a damn good one too because you and I both know your credit is shot to hell. I will see you when I get off work.
Where you going I need the car.
Take a bus.
I didn’t stop to listen for his reaction. I didn’t care, I was feed up and completely over it and him. So I left him standing right there in the living room in his boxers. By the time I got home I was over our fight and all I wanted to do was climb in the bed next him and lay in his arms. But of course what I wanted was never what I got. Dwight wasn’t at home of course. I looked at the clock on the wall in the living room it was 9pm. I was sure that I knew where he was, and if he was there then he wasn’t coming home soon. So I grabbed a bottled water from the refrigerator and headed into the bedroom. I am not sure what time I fell asleep, and I am not sure what time it was when I finally woke up, but it had to have been extremely late at night or very early in the morning when I was woken up out of my sleep by the sound of something or someone falling in the living room. I didn’t see any one scaling the three stories to my balcony just to break into my apartment. Jason on the first floor had some pretty nice shit. I looked over to my left and saw that Dwight still hadn’t come home. Maybe it was him in the living room. He was probably drunk. I thought to myself as I made my way into the living room.
What I saw is what broke me right down right there.
To Be Continued
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